My friend Tyson expressed his disdain for phonebooks this evening. Over the phone, he explained that there really wasn’t any reason for them to exist; though he knew a few reasons they should not exist.
First of all, Cell Phones.
Second, and this is basically the same as the first, THE INTERNET. Seriously, no reason phone books should exist.
Number three, TREES.
Tyson said that he often waits for the phone man to bring the phone book. Usually it’s in the morning, when he’s still in his red bath robe. He explained that he walks over to the window with his cup of coffee and pokes his finger through the blinds. He stares out into the apartment parking lot and wonders aloud to his wife about the possibility of The Phone Book Guy coming around the neighborhood. He sips from his mug and leans closer to the window. He wonders when that guy’s gonna drop one off at their doorstep.
But he wasn’t serious. He doesn’t even drink coffee.
Naturally the talk turned to cereal, and its merits. Cereal is really quick. Cereal into a bowl, then milk. It’s faster than microwave stuff. I told him that right now, I’m doing plain Honey Nut Cheerios, nothing fancy. So good. He remarked about the deliciousness of Honey Nut’s milk. We agreed that post-cereal leftover milk is crucial, and that Honey Nut pretty much nails it.
Cereal was a mammoth part of my growing up years. I had late Fridays in high school and I told him about my Nintendo Goldeneye/Kellogs Smacks binges on those Fridays before school. Sometimes I had to pause the game to stop and take a few spoonfuls. You can always smell the Smacks in your pee. It’s weird, but there’s no denying it. And I know I’m not the only one. He said he knew what I was talking about. We talked about how Captain Crunch carves up your mouth. You might as well chew on steel wool- but Crunch Berries made them worth it.
I said that when I moved to Boston, I was finally able to give up dairy. Doctors had been telling me to do so since I was a young child. (Soy doesn’t hold a candle to the real stuff.) But in recent months I’ve found cereal again and I can’t really envision another separation.
Tyson told me to write this stuff on my blog.